21 November 2009 | Marc Nongmaithem
You were born for a very specific reason! Everything that exists has a purpose. My laptop has a purpose, my car has a purpose, my socks have a purpose, my dog “Bananas” has a purpose, and more importantly you have a purpose.
You came to planet Earth to accomplish a specific mission. Maybe it’s to entertain, or to inspire, or to be an amazing parent, or to act, or to cook, or to paint, or to lead a country, or any other thing, but you came here for a specific reason. It would be an insult to your creator for you to leave this planet without fulfilling that mission.
Don’t settle for a life of quiet desperation, when you were born for greatness. Don’t live among the chickens, when your birthright is to soar like an eagle.
5 Reasons to Never Give Up on Your Dreams:
1. You Only Live Once
“When they back the ‘hearse’ up to the front door, they are not making a practice run.” – Van Crouch
You only get one bite at the apple; make sure you live your life with no regrets. Most people are living ‘way’ beneath their skills, talents, and abilities. They are so much more than what they have become.
It’s critical that you make the most of every minute. Die empty, having given all that you are to the world; because you only live once.
2. There’s No Point in Being Realistic
“Nothing great has ever been achieved by being realistic.” – Mr. Self Development
Go after the impossible. Set your sights on what you want to accomplish and don’t relent until you arrive at your intended destination.
I like what Will Smith said, in terms of staying “focused” on your dream until you get there. He said, “having a ‘Plan B’ only distracts you from ‘Plan A’…” Commit to accomplish your dream, save realism for the average and the mundane. Don’t settle for less, when it’s possible for you to have the best.
“When you become certain that nothing is impossible for you, you will attain everything you desire.” - Wayne Dyer
3. You Have Time to Fulfill Your Dreams
I’ve told this story before, but I’ll tell it again…because I think it’s a good story…there was a guy who wanted to become a doctor, but was unwilling to go back to school for eight years. When asked by his friend why he wasn’t going to fulfill his dream of becoming a doctor he said, “I would love to become a doctor, but I would have to go back to school for eight years, and in eight years I’m going to be 40 years old! His wise friend responded, “Well, how old will you be in eight years if you don’t go back to school?”
The time is going to pass, let it pass with you accomplishing your dreams. Maybe it takes you a little longer to succeed. Maybe you’ll succeed at 90 when someone else succeeded at 9. Either way, when you’re 90 it won’t matter, as long as you succeeded.
4. You Deserve to be Happy and Successful
You will never be fulfilled until you do what you were created to do. There’s nothing like the joy of living your dream. If not you, then who? If not now, then when?
It will certainly take work, nothing worth achieving is ever easy, but it’s always worth it. As the famous quote goes, no journey is too great, when one finds what he seeks.
Dedicate your life to fulfilling your dream …in its entirety; your dream should include a happy family and amazing health.
5. You Will Eventually Succeed
“We can do anything we want to do, if we stick to it long enough.” Helen Keller
If you dedicate yourself to your dominant talents, you will eventually experience success. We’re all born a diamond in the rough; we just need to be uncovered. We get uncovered from focused and consistent action.
Consider lions; although natural born hunters, they must spend years practicing in order to become experts. It will probably take you many years and many long nights to succeed, but if you keep at it, and if you stay focused, you will eventually succeed.
In Closing
Commit to achieve your dreams no matter how long it takes, even if it takes another 50 years; just keep living until you get there.
It’s imperative that you do what you were born to do, even if you must do it while you’re working an “8-5” job, with three kids, a cat, and a pet turtle. Schedule the time; nothing is more critical.
The world needs what you have; the world is waiting for you to be manifested. Thank you for reading!
Thank you for reading mrselfdevelopment.com where every article expands your mind, increases your faith, and changes your life.
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16 November 2009 | Marc Nongmaithem
A couple of weeks ago I interviewed Farouk Radwan who is the founder of 2KnowMyself.com. Farouk has authored several books including, “Breaking the Habit Tonight,” and “I’ve Seen God.” He’s an expert in emotional psychology and has been seen on several Middle Eastern TV channels, as well as in several newspapers, including: OTV, MBC, El Youm TV, Cairo today, Monawaat TV, International Herald Tribune and the el Ahram newspaper. Currently, Farouk has his own weekly television show in Egypt on the MBC Channel.
So here we go…
Mr. Self Development: Hello Farouk, thank you for taking time to do this interview.
Farouk: Thank you for having me…
Mr. Self Development: Let’s get right to it. Farouk, you’ve experienced success, …so let me ask you, “Why do you believe some people succeed, while others fail? What are the underlying factors associated with success?”
Farouk: Even though there are lots of factors that contribute to one’s success, I believe the strongest factor is a person’s belief system. We can all succeed, but some of us fail because our limiting beliefs stop us from giving our all.
Mr. Self Development: Have you failed? Is failure a pre-requisite for success?
Farouk: Yes, I have failed many times, but each failure teaches me another method that doesn’t work; each failure takes me closer to success.
As an example, before my Web site started getting 400,000 visits a month, the idea of starting a Web site was rejected by friends, relatives and lots of others; I went on to experience many failures before my Web site became a success. Failure is sometimes a must before success can happen.
Mr. Self Development: You’ve written about successful relationships in the past, “Give us the key to a strong lasting marriage?”
Farouk: Choosing the right spouse.
Some people get into relationships because they feel lonely, or need attention, or need a way to escape from the emotional pain they are experiencing. This is called a “love addiction,” and it happens when people start relationships just to feel good about themselves instead of doing so because they love the other person. If a relationship is based on a love addiction it will probably fail.
Mr. Self Development: You’ve written a book titled “I’ve Seen God,” What is this book about? Why is it important?
Farouk: Let me start by saying that this book has nothing to do with religion or religious beliefs. This book provides solid scientific facts for skeptics, and proves there is no other plausible explanation for our existence without the creation and presence of an almighty God. Even psychologists who don’t believe in God’s existence believe that a person’s belief in a higher power can heal emotional wounds and help them recover from depression.
I believe if we have solid proof of a higher power then we can lead better lives with this information.
Mr. Self Development: What advice would you give to the younger generation seeking to make the most of their lives?
Farouk: I could summarize this in one word, balance! Through proper time-management a person can have fun, enjoy his/her life, and experience success. It’s the incorrect choice of priorities as well as procrastination, which allows “time to pass” without us enjoying our lives and achieving our desires.
Mr. Self Development: You sometimes write about financial success, how important is financial success in the success equation?
Farouk: Money might not be everything, but it’s certainly very important. Without financial success a person might feel helpless in certain situations. This helplessness could result in excessive stress, or depression. Both of these negative and unwanted moods will affect a person’s life and might prevent them from succeeding in other areas in their life.
In short, financial success is one element in the system and sometimes the lack of a certain element can shake the entire system.
Mr. Self Development: Your site talks about breaking bad habits, what’s the secret to breaking a bad habit? Can bad habits be broken overnight?
Farouk: Understanding why we need these habits (e.g. emotional addiction, escapement from reality, feeling bored, or compensation) is the key to breaking a bad habit. Once a person understands the real reasons behind their habit they will be able to alter these root causes thereby breaking the bad habit (instead of trying to change irrelevant factors that would never help anyway). For example, a guy may be addicted to smoking because he hasn’t learned how to deal with stress; in this case all methods might fail to help his addiction, until he learns how to appropriately manage his stress.
Mr. Self Development: Many people have dreams and goals that they would like to accomplish, but are unable to find the motivation, how does one find the motivation to fulfill their dreams?
Farouk: Motivation comes from either visualizing the expected reward, or from feeling the pain that is associated with the current state. For example, if want to lose weight I would imagine each day how life would be like if I reached my ideal weight, or on the other hand, I could keep reminding myself of the pain I am feeling presently because of my extra weight; pain which will go away once I get to my ideal weight.
Some of us respond better to rewards, others respond better to pain, so using both positive and negative motivations together will surely have a great effect.
Mr. Self Development: Your writing particularly helps people get rid of emotional baggage? How did you come to find this calling?
Farouk: Actually it all started when I found myself loaded with unhealthy emotions that I didn’t understand. Those unhealthy emotions were making my life intolerable.
I kept reading about such issues until I became qualified enough to help people get rid of such bad emotions; of course after first getting rid of the unhealthy emotions myself.
Mr. Self Development: Do you believe that everyone has a calling?
Farouk: Yes, each one of us has a calling and we should do our best to fulfill it because it might be the road to finding our success in life. For me it all started by reading self-help articles to cure myself, nowadays I make a living from my self-help website.
Mr. Self Development: Thank you for your time.
Farouk: Thank you.
That concludes this interview.
Thank you for reading mrselfdevelopment.com where every article expands your mind, increases your faith, and changes your life.
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9 November 2009 | Marc Nongmaithem
Are you ready to achieve your “critical” goals? “Critical” goals are goals that are perfectly aligned with your life’s purpose. The achievement of a “critical” goal is life-changing. Failure to achieve a “critical” goal renders the achievement of-all-other-goals inconsequential.
Some examples of “critical” goals include:
- Being Able to Make a Living Doing What You Love
- Getting to Your Ideal Weight
- Writing a Best-Selling Book
- Raising Amazing Kids
If you’re looking to achieve a “critical” goal, then I wrote this article for you. I want the readers of this site to get “results” in their life, because you can’t argue with results.
Let’s talk about “results” for a second: Results don’t come from luck, timing, or from who you know; results come from the proper execution of a great strategy (or plan).
Your results will always be directly proportional to your ability to execute your strategy. Put it another way: Your Results = Your Strategy x The Execution of Your Strategy
If you’re not getting the results you seek, it’s because you either have a “bad” strategy, or you’re not executing the strategy properly. That’s it, so let’s talk about how we develop a strategy and achieve our “critical” goals.
Below I’ve listed the 4 steps required to achieve your “critical” goals:
Step 1: Determine Your Goal and Commit to Achieve it by a Specific Day
Let’s say you desire to build a beautiful stonewall in your back yard (let’s assume this is your life’s mission and your critical goal).
After much contemplation you decide to build the wall “twenty feet high” consisting of 3,000 beautiful stones. You commit to complete the wall one year from today.
Step 2: Develop a Simple Strategy that Focuses on Producing Measurable Results
You could spend your days learning about stones, or discussing stonewalls with friends, but those tasks will not assist you in building your wall. To build your wall you need to perfectly lay 10 stones a day (for one year).
The main thing is always to keep the main thing, the main thing. I often talk to people who say they want success, but instead of focusing on the critical task that guarantee success, they spend their life doing busy work: going to meetings, checking e-mails, etc. Don’t get side-tracked or derailed by attractions and distractions, stay focused on the tasks that produces results.
The “80/20 Rule” suggests that 20 percent of your activities are responsible for 80 percent of your results. Given this I recommend that you dedicate your time to performing task that produce tangible and measurable results. Focus on producing results that are directly correlated to the achievement of your “critical” goal. Stay committed to those tasks.
Focus all of your efforts on the 1-3 tasks that produce results, schedule them daily, and complete them at your earliest availability each day.
In our example, perfectly laying a stone represents a measurable output that will certainly take you closer to you goal…
This seems like such simple advice, but you would be surprised at the number of people who say they want success, however, they spend their time doing busy work that produces “zero” results. It’s almost as if they’re scared to succeed, they choose to postpone their success into some theoretical nebulous time in the future by selecting tasks which take them further away from success.
A simple strategy is always best. If you’re going to build a beautiful stone wall, you must first develop a “fool” proof strategy for building the wall.
A good strategy will never rush you; however, it will demand the very best from you.
Your Simple Strategy for Building the Wall
Your Strategy = Spend 2 hours a day, six days a week, laying 10 stones as perfectly as possible.
You could probably rush and lay 20 stones a day; however you want to build a beautiful wall, not a “mess.” Placing ten stones, six days a week, will give you enough time to finish your wall in one year.
Step 3: Follow the Strategy at All Cost
When it starts raining, you must remain focused on your strategy, when times get tough, you must remain focused on your strategy. Keep building your wall, don’t let anything stop you. You should focus on your strategy to the exclusion of everything else.
Just as sure as you’re reading these words right now, there will be numerous opportunities to abandon your strategy. However, you must remain focused.
You must work the strategy day-in and day-out. “The strategy works, when you work the strategy.” Don’t let miscellaneous activities, busy work, errands, or anything else distract you from fulfilling your mission.
Step 4: Keep Score
When you’re building your stonewall, you need to keep a “scoreboard” that measures your progress towards your goal of laying 60 stones a week. Let others know of your scoreboard and your plans, this pressure will help keep you on track.
People play differently when things are being scored. My wife and I sometimes play Tennis, and let me tell you, how we play the game changes significantly when we decide to keep score.
Everything changes when there’s a scoreboard! You work harder, smarter, and faster, when your results are being publicly measured.
If you keep a scoreboard, in combination with the other three steps, you will make progress.
In Closing
When Gandhi was asked how to get to Mount Olympus, he said take steps in the direction of Mount Olympus everyday, and you will get there. If you take steps in the direction of your dream everyday, you will get there. So “stay encouraged,” it’s just a matter of time. Thank you for reading.
Update: You don’t want to miss the next article, it’s an amazing interview that I did with author Farouk Radwan. I asked some great questions about success, family, balance, achieving your dreams, breaking bad habits and more. Farouk gave some very insightful answers that I think you’ll certainly enjoy.
Again…thank you for reading mrselfdevelopment.com, where every article expands your mind, increases your faith, and changes your life.
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1 November 2009 | Marc Nongmaithem
I constantly ponder success and failure. Why does one person skyrocket to success, while another person is never discovered?
What are the underlying factors; why do some people struggle to succeed their entire lives…only to fail?
How can someone guarantee success?
Today I want to talk about the three reasons people fail, these reasons are:
- Ignorance
- Little Passion, and
- No Faith
Ignorance
“I believe all suffering is caused by ignorance.” -Dalai Lama
Most people want to succeed, they just don’t know how. They’ve tried this, and that, but nothing seems to work. They eventually give up, resigning to live a life of mediocrity.
To be ignorant means you don’t know how to succeed. It means you haven’t discovered the system that guarantees your success.
In other words, you’ve not identified the two or three daily task that guarantee you will succeed. When you’re ignorant, you know where you want to go, you just don’t know how to get there.
Why Don’t You Know How to Succeed
When you don’t know how to succeed, it’s typically a sign that you haven’t yet discovered the right mentors to show you the way.
It’s important that you find mentors who’ve done what you’re trying to do, so you can mimic their success strategies to get where you’re trying to go.
Don’t just follow one mentor; the proverb says, in the multitude of counselors there’s safety.
You need to follow several mentors, and discover the commonalities in their path. Pay attention to what they do (more than to what they say).
Robert Kiyosaki and Jack Canfield are both great authors. If you want to be a great author, find out what they did, what common decisions and daily habits caused their books to sell. Success is duplicative; the challenge is identifying the system that guarantees your success.
Once you discover the right system, it’s just a matter of repeating that system on a daily basis until you arrive at your intended destination. If you wanted to lose 20 pounds, you’d first have to discover the system that allowed you to lose 1 pound a week. Then you could follow that system for 20 weeks to achieve your goal.
If you want to become a bestselling author, discover the system that allows you to sell 10,000 books a week, then repeat that system until you arrive at your goal (you may need to do 3 radio or television interviews a day); the key is to discover the system that guarantees your success.
If you never discover the right system, you will never have clear directions on your journey to success; you will fail.
Ignorance = Undiscovered System for Success
Solution: Study multiple individuals who have succeeded, what are the common denominators associated with these individuals. Duplicate their similarities (e.g. If you want to be a great athlete, and you discover that all great athletes practice everyday, then you should practice everyday, etc.). Determine the “system” that caused their success, and duplicate that system.
You have to develop a system (or plan) that allows you to execute (daily) the critical steps that will take you to your desired destination.
Little Passion
“Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.” -Hebbel
Everyone is capable of greatness, but before that greatness can be unlocked, passion has to be unlocked.
Passion drives you to do the impossible; it drives you to work harder and longer than you thought you could. Passion gives you the inspiration to develop creative ideas and concepts; ideas and concepts that have never been conceived before.
Passion gives you the power to overcome the barriers which appear to block success. Passion is the light that guides you at night; passion births your motivation to succeed.
What we call laziness oftentimes is just a lack of passion. You may look at someone who’s outworking you and consider yourself lazy in comparison. But the truth is, you’re probably not lazy at all, you’re just not inspired. You haven’t yet unlocked the passion that drives you to accomplish your goals, the passion that gives you the consistency and determination to succeed.
The more passion you have, the more power you have to fulfill your desires. Your passion will guide you to the fulfillment of your goals.
Lack of Passion = Undiscovered Purpose
Solution: Study yourself to discover your purpose! What are you good at, what do you love to do, what would you do for free, what would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail, what do people compliment you on, what books do you have in your library, what do you love to talk about, what puts a smile on your face, what do you do in your free time; in other words, discover your purpose. Your purpose unlocks your passion; your passion unlocks your desire, discipline, and determination.
No Faith
For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. -Jesus
“You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.” -Mary Manin Morrissey
The third reason people fail is a lack of faith. In other words, in their heart of hearts, they don’t believe they will succeed. They are not successful on the inside; they have not yet won the inner game of success.
To have success you must see it, and you must be it, you must be convinced of it. Faith is not wishing, hoping, admiring, loving the idea of; faith is KNOWING that you will succeed! Faith is a knowing, its being fully convinced of something, it’s not hype, it’s not trying to convince others, it’s being convinced yourself!
You have to have success on the inside, before you can have it on the outside; you have to see it and be it; you have to have faith.
One Sign That You Have Faith
People with faith don’t marvel at the success of others. They respect what others have accomplished, but they are not awestruck by their success. People without faith have a grasshopper’s mentality; they see others as bigger than they are.
People with faith recognize successful people as leaders.
People without faith recognize successful people as super heroes. A super hero is someone who is unusually powerful and unique; there ways are beyond duplication.
When you don’t believe you will succeed, you will see successful people as super heroes, as giants.
BUT, when you have faith, you cease to see successful people as gods. You see them for what they are, which is leaders.
And to be frank, there’s nothing special about leaders, leaders don’t glow in the dark, or where a halo. A leader is just a person who’s a little further along on the path that you’re traveling. You respect leaders because they’ve been where you’re trying to get.
Seeing leaders as super heroes is a sign that you have NO FAITH in your ability to achieve the same.
There’s no need to marvel at a leader’s accomplishments, when you can duplicate the same. I’m not talking about “faking like you’re not marveling;” I’m talking about not marveling because you can produce the same results.
If I go outside my home right now, and if I look around, I will see lots of large beautiful homes, but I don’t marvel at these homes, I’m not impressed by them, because I live in one too. We only marvel when we see things as out of our reach, when our mind tells us that it’s unattainable.
But the truth is, nothing is unattainable when you know what you want, understand how to get there, and have the faith to believe that you will arrive at your intended destination.
You have to believe it, you must have faith…many folks have lived with the chickens for so long, they can’t imagine soaring with the eagles. You must have faith in your possibilities!
No Faith = You’re not convinced that you will succeed
Solution: You need to see yourself in your mind’s eye as a “success.”
In your time of daily meditation, visualize yourself succeeding, talk to yourself, encourage yourself; if you’re a Jazz Singer, tell yourself you’re the greatest Jazz Singer of all time; refuse to lose, prophecy to yourself!
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28 October 2009 | Marc Nongmaithem
I was at a wedding with my wife just a few days ago, and we were sitting at a table with several single women.
The time soon came for the bride to toss her bouquet to the “single ladies.”
One of the single ladies at our table remained seated while the other women went to the dance floor to attempt to catch the bouquet (which of course symbolizes, here in the U.S., that they will be the next person to get married).
My wife asked the “single lady” (who remained seated at our table) why she wasn’t heading to the dance floor to attempt to catch the bouquet; this young lady’s response is what inspired me to write this article today…
She responded saying, “It won’t do me any good; guys just want to date those kinds of girls.”
So today I want to talk about…
How to Attract a Man, or Woman
Remember this, if you don’t get anything else out of this article, “you don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are.”
To attract an amazing spouse, you must become amazing; the good news is: “Everyone is capable of becoming amazing.”
In general, we tend to attract partners that are similar to us, relatively speaking. Put even more bluntly (and perhaps offensively to some), if your ideal male partner is a “10,” on a scale of 1-10, you want to make sure you’re a “10″ as well.
I’m not just talking about your “looks,” or your career exclusively; I’m referring to everything that you have to offer. You may be a “10″ in the looks category, and a “2″ in the attitude category. This would average to a “6,” (in this example); which means you should be looking for a partner who is a “6.”
The problem is, no one thinks their attitude is a “2.” They look in the mirror and see a “10,” then wonder why they keep on attracting “6’s.”
The “6″ they attract may be a “10″ in the looks department and a “2″ in the character department, so he cheats on them, and now they’re really confused.
It’s not enough to just excel in one area, you must have balance in what you offer the relationship. You can be beautiful on the outside, but if you’re a negative person, or if you show no respect, or if you have little compassion towards others, then it will certainly take away from your beauty.
Additionally, you can also be the nicest person in the world, but if you don’t take care of your body and your appearance, “like those girls,” you may have trouble attracting your ideal mate. If this offends anyone, I apologize, but it’s the truth.
These are very simplistic examples, people are far more complicated than this, and there are usually many, many more factors. But the fact remains; you are attracting on some level, “what you are.” As the saying goes, birds of a feather flock together.
If a person you’re dating turns out to be a jerk. Remember you had a part to play in this, it was you who attracted this person, it was you who decided to go on a date with this person, and it was you who decided to continue the relationship.
Life is not just happening to you. Accept that you are playing a major role in your relationships. If every guy “you pick” is a jerk, then you are the common denominator in those situations.
You have to first deal with your issues. As Shakespeare so beautifully wrote, “the fault dear Brutus, lies not in our stars…but in ourselves.”
Now that I’ve raked you over the hot burning coals, what’s the solution?
There’s a saying that goes, “be the change you want to see in the world.” I like to say, be the person you want to date. If you want to attract the ideal man, you’re going to have to be the ideal woman (and vice versa). This seems fair, right? In order to become the “ideal” you may have to get a job, pick-up behind yourself, learn to cook, wear make-up, be nicer, change your diet, etc. The alternative option would be to lower your standard, which I don’t suggest, when you are capable of being better. …Be your best, to attract the best:
- You’re going to have to work on your weak areas, the ones that you’re probably oblivious to. There’s a saying that goes, “To see us, as other’s see us, would from a number of blunders, free us.” You should ask someone close to you (who’s not afraid of hurting your feelings), what they think you should do in order become more attractive (not just physically) to the opposite sex, and don’t ask someone whose having the same problem you’re having. You may have to ask several people in order to determine the common denominators. …Are they all saying you need to be a little nicer? If so, then you can probably stand to be a little nicer. If they’re all saying you need to lose 20lbs, then you can probably stand to lose 20lbs.
- Don’t say, “This is just who I am (accept me for me), I just happen to be ‘very controlling,’ etc. ” If you do, you will keep on attracting below your potential.
Somebody’s probably thinking, “But change is hard!” Yeah, and so is being alone on Christmas! Change is hard, but it’s worth it, …you deserve to have the very best!
In closing, determine to be your best, and you will receive the best.
Remember, there’s a vast difference between conformity and laziness, …so become a perfect 10 today (your very best) and you will attract the very best!
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20 October 2009 | Marc Nongmaithem
This article is a continuation of our “Successful Relationship” series.
Today I want to discuss the “relationship characteristics” you should look for when identifying the person you’re going to marry. I want to specifically talk about 15 characteristics that are signifying factors that you’re marrying the right person.
Look for these 15 characteristics “before” getting married:
1. You’re Attracted to The Person Physically and Mentally – I wouldn’t marry someone who I wasn’t attracted to in some significant way. Now, everyone’s not going to marry an “intelligent supermodel,” but finding a person who you’re attracted to physically and mentally will “serve you well” throughout your marriage.
2. Loyal and Trustworthy – A good partner possess incredible loyalty.
I believe if I was involved in a “fist fight” my wife would jump-in, even if I was winning; she’s that loyal (…not that I would advise this 
).
In addition, a good partner is also trustworthy. They earn your trust, and they keep your trust.
3. They’re Different Yet the Same – It’s true that opposites attract, but it’s also true that birds of a feather flock together.
It’s okay that your partner is “spontaneous” while you’re “boring,” and it’s okay that you’re “disciplined,” while your partner remains a “free spirit.” These differences will bring balance to your relationship.
However, your core beliefs should remain the same. If you’re a devout Christian while your partner is a leader in the atheist movement, or if you and your partner have diametrically opposing beliefs on how a “family” should function, these foundational differences can destroy a marriage at the root.
4. The Lines of Communication Are Open – Have you ever had a conversation with someone, and at the end of the conversation you knew nothing about them. While this may not be a problem if you’re talking to a stranger, this should not be the norm within a relationship.
It’s okay to be private with strangers, but if you can’t be intimate with anyone, then there’s probably a reason why? Intimacy means, In-to-me-see, and it’s requisite to the success of any long-term relationship.
Conversations should lead to deeper understandings of the person you’re with.
5. They’re Honest – This is an obvious one, I think.
It’s not enough to just have open communication; the communication must also be honest. If you catch someone constantly being dishonest, this is certainly a “red flag” that something is very wrong.
You should feel comfortable knowing that whatever your partner says is “true.” Unless you ask them, “Do the jeans make me look fat?”
6. They Like Spending Time With You – A couple once told me that they “broke up” because they got tired of being together “all the time,” but they recently decided to get back together, and now they’re getting married. I thought, “…that’s an interesting combination of situations…”
…You need to find someone who likes spending time with you, and who you like spending time with. Spending quality time together is why you marry someone to begin with, if you don’t want to be around your partner constantly, you should probably remain “single.” Hold out for someone who you love spending time with, and who loves to spend time with you.
7. They Prize You Above Everyone Else – Marry someone who values you above their friends. If you’re not valued above their friends, then their friends will have priority in your relationship…when a decision has to be made, you may be the last person asked.
You always want to be where you’re celebrated, not tolerated.
8. Their Life is an Open Book, and You Like What You’re Reading – You should be able to see patterns in your partner’s life.
Has the person always been very disciplined, lazy, aggressive, or nice? What are the positive and negative habits and patterns in this person’s life? Can you live with these patterns and/or habits?
Has this person previously been involved in 20 relationships, if so, what’s the pattern, what’s changed since the last relationship?
Life happens in cycles, discover the life cycles of your partner; make sure you’re excited about those cycles.
9. You Have a Lot in Common – You hang out in the same spots, you like the same things; you’re headed in the same direction. Why is this important? Because marriage is not the goal; it’s only the starting line of the race. You and your partner need to be headed in the same direction in this race.
People often get divorced and say, “we grew apart.”
It would be wise to discover where your partner is going before you marry them, and it would also be wise to know where you’re going.
If you don’t know where you’re going, and they don’t know where they’re going, we have a classic case of the blind leading the blind; both of you will end-up in a ditch.
Somebody said, “but I don’t know what the future holds”…the future holds what you plan for it to hold…what are your planning?
How many children are you planning, what kind of career are you planning, what kind of spiritual life are you planning, what are your life goals? Not that you’ll know everything in the present moment, but you should know a majority of the important things.
10. Your Friends Like Them – In other words, the “unbiased” people in your life like the person.
If none of your friends like the person you’re marrying, you may want to re-think your decision. Your friends sometimes see things that you are unwilling to see.
11. Their Motives are Pure – Look for a spouse who wants “you for you.” Someone with pure motives; they’re not trying to get something out of the deal. They’re not a vampire looking to suck your blood; they’re seeking to give. They’re not going to subtract from your life, they’re going to add to your life.
12. They Express How Much They Love You – Love is seen, love is action. If someone truly loves you, you will know it by their deeds, not just by their words.
Make sure your partner’s actions are indicative of someone who loves you. Their words should match their actions, and their actions should match their words.
13. They Don’t Believe in Divorce – Simply put, if divorce is an option for your relationship, then you have a much greater chance of getting a divorce. As a couple you must make the conscious decision to work through your problems.
14. They Give to You – They buy you things, no matter how small, or if they don’t have any money…they make dinner for you, give you foot rubs, they cater to you.
15. They’re Not Selfish – They desire to see you fulfilled. A good partner is concerned about your dreams, wishes and goals.
They are willing to work to ensure you accomplish everything you desire to accomplish!
In closing, I’ve written this article as a guide on identifying the signifying factors of an ideal partner, use the list as your gauge. However, don’t bother looking for these qualities, if you don’t first exemplify these qualities yourself, you will only attract what you are. You must be the first partaker of what you desire to receive. I will expound on this in my next article (which will be the last article of this relationship series).
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10 October 2009 | Marc Nongmaithem
We’re continuing our series on successful relationships with this article titled “Sex, Money and Communication!” Isn’t this exciting? 
Let me start by saying that virtually all relationship problems derive from either: sex, money, or communication breakdowns.
At least one of these problems is involved in every divorce, or relationship challenge.
I’ve written this article to specifically help husbands and wives identify, understand, and improve these three aspects of their relationship, so that they may experience success in this arena of their life.
If you can blossom in these three areas, relational bliss will be yours, but let me forewarn you: “To succeed will require ‘work’ and ‘consistency’ from willing partners.” This article is not for the faint at heart, so here we go:
Sex
This is a topic that most couples are fearful to “properly” address, so let’s talk about it. I want to divide the topic of “sex” into two sub-topics:
- The first sub-topic will relate to the “frequency” and “quality” of sex
- The second sub-topic will relate to being “sexy,” or having a “sexy” appearance
Frequency and Quality of Sex
The frequency and quality of sex is a major component of a successful marriage. If it wasn’t for sex, a lot of people wouldn’t bother getting married at all.
Sex is very therapeutic for a relationship, it’s a stress reliever and a bonding tool.
Frequent sex often happens when a husband has created an atmosphere suitable for sex to occur. Just like some animals like to mate in warm and moist climates. Most women like to “make love” in romantic and stress free climates.
I believe it’s largely the husband’s responsibility to create the “right climate” in the home, so that the very important act of sex can take place frequently.
When you combine the right atmosphere, with the education of the benefits of daily sex, magic is bound to happen.
To begin your education on the benefits of sex, I recommend you read a popular article that I wrote a few months back titled “Sex Contracts.”
As far as the “quality” of sex, you should take time to learn how to master your spouses body. No one should be able to “make love” to your spouse “better” than you; no one knows them better, no one knows what they like better; no hooker, pimp, or “Hoe” should be able to “out-do” you! That’s all I’ll say about that.
A Sexy Appearance
This one is sure to get me some e-mails, but it’s the truth, so I’ll say it anyway. Although there’s a commandment that says you shouldn’t lust after your neighbor’s wife, you should certainly lust after your own wife (or husband), and your spouse should give you something to lust after, if you know what I mean.
Of course everyone has different standards and measures as to what defines a sexy appearance, so I won’t offer you my definition. However, I will say that a sexy appearance definitely “matters,” especially to men (because men are such visual creatures). Let me break this one down for the women, (as an example), if you’ve put on lots of weight since the wedding, this could cause a silent problem in your marriage.
I would liken this to a woman marrying a man with a “six-figure income,” and a year after the wedding he decides to take a job making minimum wage, because he’s tired of “working hard.” If you complained about his job change, of course he would say, “You need to accept me for me!” …and he would be right.
However, being “right” is not the same as having a “happy relationship.”
An expectation was created at the beginning of the relationship that is no longer being fulfilled. Whenever there are important changes in a relationship, it’s important for both parties to be in agreement. And additional weight is certainly a major change in the relationship that both parties need to agree on. Otherwise it can cause problems, sometimes silent problems (the most dangerous kind).
You’re responsible for making sure that you’re meeting your spouse’s expectations in this area.
Ask your spouse, if you’re real confident, to rank your “sexiness” on a scale of 1-10. Find out how you can improve your overall sex appeal. This is an often overlooked and under-talked about subject, so make sure you and your spouse are on the same page on this one.
Money
Money may not be that critical to men, but it’s certainly important to women (if they’re honest). Here are a few quotes to help put things in perspective:
- “Women go crazy, when a man’s broke and lazy”
- “Women get mean, when you ain’t got no green,” and
- “Your marriage will crash, when you ain’t got no cash.”
- “Loving without giving, just ain’t living”
- “Romance, without finance, doesn’t stand a chance.”
Now, of course I’m not being literal, but the point remains that money is an important part of your relationship.
This is why it’s important that we keep our finances in-order. “Order” means the accurate arrangement of things.
If you’re working with a limited income, then you’ll need to closely monitor all of your expenses; you’ll need to have order and precision in this area of your life in order to avoid relational turmoil.
Money is the “oil” of your relationship, it keeps things running smoothly. Somebody’s probably thinking, “Money won’t give you a ‘good’ relationship,” but that’s not the purpose of money. The purpose of money is to solve problems, having your finances in-order will give you the ability to address many of life’s problems without having to deal with the “stress” of not having enough to take care of your needs.
Either you or your spouse should be in charge of making sure that you aren’t living above your means; this is crucial. You should meet at least monthly to discuss your spending, saving, and investing.
In addition, you need to have a vision and a plan for the future of your finances. Isaiah wrote, “Without a vision, the people perish,” I believe that without a vision for your money, your money will perish, so plan a future for your money.
Maybe you’re not rich yet, but you’re certainly capable of attaining riches in your lifetime!
A husband and a wife on the same page can accomplish amazing things, but a house divided cannot stand. Decide to keep your finances in order; this will solve many unnecessary problems.
Communication
Communication is the “foundation” of all relationships! Without regular open and honest communication the foundation of your relationship will begin to weaken. A weak foundation won’t be able to withstand the test and trials that relationships must sometimes endure.
When I was a young kid, we would sing a song that went:
“Don’t build your house on a sandy plain, don’t build your house on a shore, well it might look kind of nice, but you’ll have to build it twice, yes you’ll have to build your house once more.”
Unless you want to build your house twice, you’ll need to develop open “communication” in your relationship. Open and honest communication makes for a very “strong foundation,” a foundation that will stand firm.
This is why my wife and I discuss everything; we’re each other’s best friend. We have no secrets; there are no walls between us. She doesn’t talk to her friends about my imperfections; she talks to me about them, because I’m the only one who can do something about them.
If you talk to her about something, there’s a good chance I’ll eventually find out about it. Not because I’m nosey, but it will most likely “come-up” in our conversation (because we discuss every detail of our day with each other).
I don’t have a problem with my wife going through my wallet or digging through my pockets or looking at my cell phone.
I don’t have any issues with telling her what I’m thinking; open and honest communication strengthens our bond. There should be no secrets, there should be no walls!
Remember: If you don’t have a strong foundation, your house may not stand. Put it another way, if your relationship isn’t built on open and honest communication, it may end in divorce.
The second verse of the song goes:
“You better build your house upon a rock, with a good foundation and a sturdy ground, the storms may come and blow, but you’ll be standing on a rock.”
Communication is the rock that your relationship is built on. So what should you communicate about?
- Your Expectations
- Your Level of Satisfaction or Dissatisfaction
- Your Wants
- Your Needs
- Your Day
- Your Thoughts
- Your Appreciation or Lack There Of
- The Best Way and the Best Time to Handle Disagreements
Bonus – The Honesty Game
As a way of opening up the lines of communication you can play the “honesty game,” where for five minutes you can ask each other whatever you want, and the other person has to be completely honest in their response. This is a great way to begin practicing open and honest communication.
Labor for open and honest communication; don’t let anything come between your communication, not your children, your friends, or misunderstandings. Your communication is the foundation that your relationship is built on. No house can stand without a foundation.
The Conclusion
So there you have it, I could honestly write pages and pages on each of these subjects, but I won’t (at least not today). This article should give you a good “outline” as to the three areas you need to focus on to improve your relationship.
If you focus on these areas, and if you work hard, you will see massive improvements.
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1 October 2009 | Marc Nongmaithem
Today I want to discuss the 3 signs of a good man.
I’ve received several requests to extend my writing on “success and prosperity” into the arena of successful relationships, so I’m doing a brief series on the subject of relationships over the next week or so.
I’m going to relate this particular article to the movie “The Wizard of Oz.” If you’ve ever had the luxury of seeing the movie, you know it’s about a girl named Dorothy, and her journey to visit the Wizard (with her dog Toto). The Wizard is suppose to have the ability to help Dorothy get back to her home in Kansas.
On her way to meet the Wizard, Dorothy runs into three men who need help. She runs into a scarecrow, a tin man, and a male lion, and she agrees to let them follow her on her journey to see the Wizard.
The scarecrow doesn’t have a brain, the tin man doesn’t have a heart, and the lion, believe it or not, doesn’t have courage.
So we have Dorothy and her dog Toto leading three men; three men who are searching for a brain, a heart, and courage.
Let me repeat that, for those of you who weren’t paying attention, we have three men, being led by a girl and a dog, trying to find a brain, a heart, and courage.
A Brain
Women, the first sign of a good man is that he has a brain. In other words, he’s astute, judicious, and intelligent; he can think for himself, his actions are not dictated by his friends or his associates.
He possesses the cognitive ability to recognize your importance and see your true value. He’s smart enough to appreciate you, and intelligent enough to show it.
He’s a visionary; he knows what he’s doing and where he’s going. He’s a leader; he’s able to handle his responsibilities; he’s able to control himself, his anger, and his nature, in other words, he has a brain.
A Heart
The second sign of a good man is that he has a heart. Some men are cold, their callus and their mean. They don’t feel anything, don’t care about anything, don’t care if you cry, don’t care when you hurt, they are uninterested in the things that you are interested in; your feelings mean “nothing,” they don’t have a heart!
A man “with a heart” is concerned about you, takes an interest in the things that interest you, and prizes you above anyone else. A man with a heart will spend time with you, because he knows that time is a sign of value. What people value they dedicate time to. A good man has a heart.
A man with a heart defers to you, respects your emotions, your feelings and your perspective. A man with a heart is not intimated by your intelligence, intuition and sensitivity; he understands you and relies on you.
A man with a heart respects his parents, his neighbors and most importantly, a man with a heart respects the women he’s with.
Courage
The third sign of a good man is courage. He has courage in the face of circumstances, challenges and misunderstandings. He doesn’t quit or shrink, he doesn’t run out, doesn’t give up or back down when things get rough, he has courage. He has the courage to stay committed to relationships, the courage to make big decisions, and the courage to back his decisions.
He has the courage to change when change is required.
He has the courage to take risk, the courage to pursue his dreams, the courage to love the unlovely, and the courage to do the right thing.
He has the courage to commit to you for a lifetime, the courage to respect you, the courage to protect you, the courage to earn a living, the courage to pursue his passion and the courage to be the man that you desire him to be.
In closing, a good man has a brain, he has a heart, and last but not least, a good man has courage.
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25 September 2009 | Marc Nongmaithem
Today I want to talk about “The 7 Keys to Success.” As you may know, I don’t teach any get rich quick schemes, or financial shortcuts. When I write I aim to provide you with a practical guide on how to succeed in any endeavor by utilizing the principles of success. Like my grandfather use to say, it’s the “slow way,” but it’s the “sure way.” He would say its “tight,” but it’s “right.”
I’ve based these 7 keys on my personal success story. Not that I’ve “arrived” but I’ve certainly experienced a degree of success.
I don’t think that you ever arrive, you just keep on growing and developing and succeeding and learning and experiencing and staying committed.
Here are the “7 Keys to Success,” learn them, follow them, and you will succeed:
Key #1: Hard work – Hopefully this doesn’t surprise anyone, more than anything else, successful people do what unsuccessful people are “unwilling” to do. In other words, successful people aren’t doing what others are “incapable” of doing, but what others are simply to lazy to do… Just look at people who successfully maintain their weight. It’s not that they have the market cornered on the secret to weight loss. They are just willing to do what others aren’t. Everybody can run, but everyone’s not willing to run everyday!
Success tip “numero uno” is to decide to do the hard work. The “ugly” work, the work you want to postpone; it’s getting in there and doing it anyway. Swallow that ugly frog, role up your sleeves and put in the time. You’re not going to float to success while “sucking lemonade out of a double-straw,” you’re going to have to fight, kick, and scream to succeed.
Key #2: Passion– As a young man I always heard people say, “follow your passion, if you want to succeed,” and I always took that advice with a grain of salt, it sounded quite cliché to say the very least. I thought, “That sounds good, but that’s not really practical, I need to make some money first, then I can follow my passion.” Many years later I’ve come full circle, I now know that success comes from growth, and the fastest way to grow is to pursue your passion.
I often talk about passion, and it’s true, your life must be centered around your passion, you need a theme for your life. You were born for a particular reason. To fulfill a particular need; you must discover that need and fill it.
The “need” that you were created to fill is associated with your life’s passion; it’s the theme of your life. If your Donald Trump, then your theme is business, if your Michael Jackson, then your theme is entertainment, if you’re Tony Robbins, then you’re theme is motivation. Everyone has a theme, and everyone who’s successful knows what their theme is. If you’re going to be successful you need to know your theme. What’s your theme? What do people think about when they think of your name?
Discover your passion and you will unlock the door to success. Your passion will drive you to learn and to grow; you will only succeed at the speed in which you are learning and growing. That bears repeating, “You will only succeed at the speed in which you are learning and growing.” I like that…
Key #3: Time – It takes time, don’t be side-tracked or de-railed by people who appear to have “instant success.” Often what we are unable to see is the many years of preparation and failure that allowed them to succeed, “overnight.” You are no exception; it will take you “time” to succeed.
This is why you should do what you love, because in order to succeed you’ll have to do it for a long time. However, when you do what you love, you’ll enjoy the passage of time.
Let me repeat, success takes time, it takes years; nothing worth achieving is going to be easy. As you know, if it was easy…yes, everybody (and their mother) would be doing it. To succeed you must be willing to put in the time, no matter how long it takes, but if you just keep on going in the right direction, eventually you will get there.
Key #4: Knowledge – Knowledge is critical; you must pursue the wisdom of others. You must pursue mentors who have done what you’re trying to do. You can learn more at a dinner table in an hour with the “right person,” then you can learn from 10 years of labor.
Labor for knowledge, nothing is more costly than ignorance. I often say, don’t be afraid of failure or rejection, be afraid of being stupid!
Key #5: Support – Who believes in you, who needs you, who wants to see you succeed? You must develop a support group; you must create an environment suitable for success by surrounding yourself with people who believe in you, people who are going where you want to go. This may be your spouse, it maybe your mother or the right friend, but you need people. You can’t do it by yourself.
You also need to develop and cultivate relationships with people who are doing better than you. You need to leverage what they know, discover the system they’re using to succeed.
Key #6: A Vision and a Plan – Helen Keller said, “It’s a terrible thing to see, and have no vision.” How simple, yet how profound. Isaiah wrote, “Without a vision, the people perish.” Do you have a clear vision of what you want to be, what you want to become. Does it consume your mind, both night and day?
You have to “first” see your future, then you can live into it. It’s like seeing a doorway, and walking through it…if you don’t see the doorway, you may run “smack” into the wall; think about that the next time you walk through a doorway, “it’s a terrible thing to see, and have no vision!”
If all you see is what’s going on around you, then you will keep on experiencing what you’ve always been experiencing. I take time daily, to see my life the way I want it to be. I imagine a greater me, and I will become what I imagine.
Additionally, you must have a plan; until your desires become plans and those plans are put into action, nothing changes. Are you following a simple written plan daily? Well are you? If you’re not, it’s only a matter of time before you fail.
Create a simple plan that you are excited about, and work the heck out of the plan “everyday.” Yes, I said everyday.
Key #7: Commitment – Success is really a decision. I consider myself successful, not because I think I’ve arrived. I consider myself successful because I’m committed to success. I’m committed to achieve every last one of my dreams, and I will just keep on living until I’ve achieved them all. Success is a decision! It doesn’t matter if you accomplish your dream at 18 or 108, just stay committed; that commitment is success going somewhere to happen!
Learn these keys, commit them to memory, put them into action, and you will succeed!
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22 September 2009 | Marc Nongmaithem
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